party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
