Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
