I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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