were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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