What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
