Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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