Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
