how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
