i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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