You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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