My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
