I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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