I cannot find my penis.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
