hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
