last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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