I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
