Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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