I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize