dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
