Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
