I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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