drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
