it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
