i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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