my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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