My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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