So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
