She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
