I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
