you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize