May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
