I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
