just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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