I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
