Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
