It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
