My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
