you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
