puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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