3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you never un-have a 4some
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
