just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
