that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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