i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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