Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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