Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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