Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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