shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
