I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
