Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
