Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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