Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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