I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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