I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
