I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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