You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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