sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize