I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we have pet lesbian snakes
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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