I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
