I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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