and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
