Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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