One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
