She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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