my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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