i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The Olympian is in my bed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
