if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
