im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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