im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
