You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
