Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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