This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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