He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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