my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
