I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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