There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
